A New Reality

I have not written in forever, I guess I just forgot this even existed. I have noticed everything I once wanted in life is now in a different order. I know things still arent in anyway the way I'd like them to be, but its my own doing. I have this guilt inside of me that is telling me I'm all wrong. I think I have finally started to realize that at this point in my life, its almost like I'm alone. I have to earn and deserve everything I want in my life. I have had a lot of hardships in my life and never really talk about any of them. Maybe thats what holds me back or down so much? All I know is I'm at a point where I can either change now or always be the same. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and stride towards becoming the person I should be and the person I've always wanted to be. I just wish there was an easier way. I do finally believe though that even though I'm so far behind in everything I want, I can still acomplish everything I once thought was possible. I wouldn't say I need to start over in life, I just need to start doing whats right. If I just put my priorities in the right order, everything will once again be possible for me. I dont even know if this makes any sense or if I'm just rambling on, but I suppose theres just a lot on my mind and its all coming out in bits and pieces. Til next time, I'm hoping that it all starts getting better.

Realization

I once thought I was going to have the perfect life. I had it all planned out, marriage kids, job, I have it all! Lately I have found myself in somewhat of a rut and unable to get myself out of it. I realized life is not as easy as I once believed it was. This hole I'm in seems never ending. This was until recently I decided to give up on what I believe was causing most of my problems, ALCOHOL! I gave it up about the day after Thanksgiving and its hard, but I'm taking it one day at a time. I have also found this new attraction to what I believe to be the most amazing girl in the world! With her everything makes sense, and its just so easy to communicate everything with her. I hope to someday be with her forever, but thats only if I'm patient and let nature work its course. The biggest thing I have started to find in my life is my new attempt at a realationship with God. I am having the new restored faith in him and by letting my life in his hands, he will show me the way! I have had my doubts in the past, but lately everything is starting to make sense and its because I feel its how I communicate with him everynight. Sometimes I find myself even talking to him in the middle of the day at the most random times! I believe that with him, the hole I have found myself in will slowly start getting less deep and dark and that brighter days are on the way. With God, everything will fall into place and hopefully this path will straighten itself out and this girl I'm falling for, will realize how I really feel! I believe if I keep communicating with him, everything will work out and I will once again return to the guy I use to be. I owe everything to him cause I can tell that know I have my restored faith, he is helping me out one day at a time, and I love God for that!