A New Reality

I have not written in forever, I guess I just forgot this even existed. I have noticed everything I once wanted in life is now in a different order. I know things still arent in anyway the way I'd like them to be, but its my own doing. I have this guilt inside of me that is telling me I'm all wrong. I think I have finally started to realize that at this point in my life, its almost like I'm alone. I have to earn and deserve everything I want in my life. I have had a lot of hardships in my life and never really talk about any of them. Maybe thats what holds me back or down so much? All I know is I'm at a point where I can either change now or always be the same. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and stride towards becoming the person I should be and the person I've always wanted to be. I just wish there was an easier way. I do finally believe though that even though I'm so far behind in everything I want, I can still acomplish everything I once thought was possible. I wouldn't say I need to start over in life, I just need to start doing whats right. If I just put my priorities in the right order, everything will once again be possible for me. I dont even know if this makes any sense or if I'm just rambling on, but I suppose theres just a lot on my mind and its all coming out in bits and pieces. Til next time, I'm hoping that it all starts getting better.